“HYSRT!” or “Maybe Half Lots Would Actually be Simpler…”

Dear English,

Though I revel in the art to be made with you, I fully acknowledge that you are ridiculous.

(Yes, ridiculous. “Deserving or inspiring ridicule; absurd, preposterous, or silly”, that’s you.)

You contradict your own rules as often as you follow them, as if you’re not even trying to make sense of yourself. Anyone able to read this blog post in the tongue in which I typed it should give themselves a round of applause. I feel I owe myself a treat just for being able to thus convey my ideas. We’re geniuses, all of us! Geniuses with a dum-dum language!

Go Home, English

This truth was driven home to me after reading a post by Ruth Layne on her blog, Misadventures of a Would-Be Writer. Hey, y’know what, English? You Should Read This. Entitled “Lots of English. Whole Lots”, it points out what a troublesome means of communication you are – not just for brave souls attempting to master you as a second language, but even for your native speakers. Even I, who have heard you spoken since my days in the womb; have spoken you myself since my mouth could manage the phonemes; I who have gobbled through books filled cover to cover with your words, and who have written books, poems, articles, essays of my own – even I do not pretend to wholly understand you!

Fortunately, one does not have to wholly understand a thing to love it.

Love you indeed,


10 thoughts on ““HYSRT!” or “Maybe Half Lots Would Actually be Simpler…”

    • You’re quite welcome, and thank you! I Google Image searched “why English is hard to learn”, or something like that, and this list of phrases was one of the most reoccurring results (along with the poem you included in your post on the subject!). I added the accusation of drunkenness myself, courtesy of the text feature in Microsoft Paint. I’m an artist of simple tools. (:

  1. Fabulous post. It’s almost a love-hate relationship isn’t it? Only, who can hate English, except of course, you’ve missed a missed used word (i.e. forward instead of foreword) only after ordering 10 copies of your book! At that time, it is a love-hate relationship.

    I loved your list of sentences, and only had to read #20 twice before I could read it correctly. 🙂 Funny how your mind doesn’t acknowledge that they are the same word with different meanings until you’re reading the context.

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