“Welcome, one and all,” says Will Scarlet, with a broad smile and a bow, “to Will & Allyn’s Interactive Theatre!”
“Every Saturday,” says Allyn-a-Dale, “Will and I and our friends from the story world of ‘The Outlaws of Avalon ’ trilogy—”
“Coming one of these days to a book retailer near you!”
“—Will take at random two of the suggestions gleaned from you, our gentle audience, and incorporate them into… well, the sort of tomfoolery Will calls entertainment.”
“So make yourselves comfortable,” says Will, “as we now present to you: ‘An Unexpected Detour’!”
[The curtain rises on an idyllic backdrop of rolling green hills. Before one of these painted hills stands a round wooden door, and on a padded garden bench before that sits Allyn-a-Dale, portrayer of Jack Snow, checking and rechecking the pocket watch chained to his waistcoat with an impatient sigh. From across the stage, Will Scarlet wanders over, robed and bearded in gray with a tall, broad-brimmed hat and a taller walking staff.]
Allyn/Jack [pocketing his watch with an expression of relief ]: Ah, good morning. I’d wondered whether you intended to leave me at this little under-hill bed and breakfast forever.
Will/Gray Wanderer [leaning jauntily on staff ]: “Good morning”, is it? And what do you mean by that? Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?
Allyn/Jack: I meant that it is both morning and good to see you, though I begin to question that, now, Hatter.
Will/G.W.: Hatter? Who’s that?
Allyn/Jack [irritated ]: It’s you. Artifice Cheshirecott, the Mad Hatter of Wonderland. For pity’s sake, you just introduced yourself one act ago. Have you forgotten yourself already?
Will/G.W. [cheerfully ]: Shows what you know about hatters and madness. With my wizard hat on, I’m no Arti-what’s-his-face. I am Gandalf! And Gandalf means… me! And I’m looking for someone to share in an adventure!
Allyn/Jack: I’d hoped I made it clear I don’t want an adventure. I just want to return to the North Pole.
Will/Gandalf [glowering over his beard ]: What kind of talk is that, Jack Snow? Can it be the one who’s forgotten himself is you?
Allyn/Jack [standing, straightening waistcoat with dignity ]: I perfectly well know who I am: The Fairytale Forest’s chosen Santa Claus.
Will/Gandalf [jabbing his staff toward Allyn ]: Wrong! Well, also right, but wrong! You are the son of Peter Pan, the greatest adventurer Neverland ever saw! Why, so clever was he in seeking out new excitement, he once picked a fight with a fearsome pirate captain on his ship anchored in Diamond Cove. The struggle looked likely to go either way, until – with a crow of triumph – Peter slashed off the pirate’s hand and knocked it right out of the bay with his sword, then flew circles ‘round the diamond while a crocodile caught the fly body part in his jaws. Thus the battle was won! And the game of baseball invented at the same time.
Allyn/Jack [shaking his head ]: I could believe it.
Will/Gandalf: There you are, then. Blood will out, Jack Snow. Blood will always out. So come along. Pack your pocket handkerchiefs, and we’ll be off by way of the Lonely Mountain! Hahahaha, will you ever have a tale or two to tell when you get back!
Allyn/Jack: Can you promise that I will get back?
Will/Gandalf: Sure! Maybe. Probably not. But if you do, I can promise you this much: You will not be the same.
“Aaaand SCENE!” says Will.
“Thank you to audience members Steven Bourelle and Chelsea de la Cruz,” says Allyn, “for providing us with the inspiration ‘baseball’ and ‘“Hobbit” spoof’.”
“If you enjoyed yourselves,” Will says, “(or if you didn’t, but you totally did, right?), don’t forget to leave suggestions for future productions in the comments! Words or phrases we’ve got to include, a prop to use, a prompt to run with… anything goes! ‘Til next time, friends: Will and Allyn out!”