What Does the Dragon Say? (Jack and the Genre-nauts, Act 3)

W.A.I.T. Button, 78 percent

“Welcome, one and all,” says Will Scarlet, with a broad smile and a bow, “to Will & Allyn’s Interactive Theatre!”

“Every Saturday,” says Allyn-a-Dale, “Will and I and our friends from the story world of ‘The Outlaws of Avalon ’ trilogy—”

“Coming one of these days to a book retailer near you!”

“—Will take at random two of the suggestions gleaned from you, our gentle audience, and incorporate them into… well, the sort of tomfoolery Will calls entertainment.”

“So make yourselves comfortable,” says Will, “as we now present to you: ‘What Does the Dragon Say?’!”


[The curtain rises on a rocky wall stretching all across the stage. At the wall’s mid-height, two ramps diverge – the one leading higher clearly marked with an upward-pointing arrow sign that reads “Peak of the Lonely Mountain”, the one leading lower’s downward-pointing arrow sign reading “Hidden Door into Lonely Mountain”. Making their way down this latter ramp are Allyn-a-Dale as Jack Snow, and Will Scarlet in his Mad Hatter ensemble of long-tailed coat and embellished top hat, this time accented with a debonair walking stick and the hat’s feathers traded out for big, colorful lollipops.]

Allyn/Jack: So when you said we’d be returning to the North Pole by way of the Lonely Mountain, you were serious?

Will/Hatter: Of course I was serious! Didn’t you notice I was wearing my serious face?

Allyn/Jack [eyes rolling ]: I noticed you were wearing your wizard face.

Will/Hatter: Wizard hat, dear lad. The hat makes the man!

Sweet ‘n’ stylish image found at https://www.etsy.com/listing/110341254/tiny-top-hat-mini-top-hat-lollipop-candy
Sweet ‘n’ stylish image found at https://www.etsy.com/listing/110341254/tiny-top-hat-mini-top-hat-lollipop-candy

Allyn/Jack [eyes Will’s current hat as they reach the bottom of the ramp ]: Does that mean you think you’re the head of the Lollipop Guild today?

Will/Hatter [laughing ]: Not a far-off guess. Today, I’m the Candy Man himself, Willy Wonka! And you are Jack the Dragonslayer!

Allyn/Jack [alarmed ]: Dragonslayer?! You mean for me to defeat the dragon under the mountain? The great and terrible Smaug himself?

Will/Wonka: “Great and terrible”… You really do think we’re in Oz, don’t you? You’ve nothing to fear, Jack. I’m not sending you down to face Smaug.

Allyn/Jack [sighs with relief ]: Oh, good.

Will/Wonka: I’m sending you down to face S’more, the candy dragon! Hit it, boys!

[While the orchestra breaks into some sort of acoustic techno, a three-man chorus with bushy red tails and distinctly canine masks frisks down the wall’s upper ramp. Will breakdances along as the chorus bursts into song.]

Chorus: Candy dragon in his hole! Watch him sizzle, watch him smoke!

Ooey-gooey, yummy, chewy cocoa-grahams and marshmallow!

Under mountain, he is king! Ruler under everything!

Snack-attack him, get him, Jack! RING-DING-DING-DING-DINGERINGEDING!

Allyn/Jack [baffled ]: Since when does a fox say “RINGDINGERINGDING”??

Will/Wonka: Those aren’t foxes. They’re my personal song-and-dance crew, the Oompa Loompas! Thought you could do with a bit of musical cheering-on before you went to take on S’more.

Allyn/Jack [massaging his temples ]: Hatter, I’m really not in the mood. Do you suppose we could skip the candy factory tour and just carry on toward the North Pole?

Will/Wonka [cocks his head ]: Huh. I would have thought the chosen Santa Claus would be more into stops for sweets en route. Oh well; if you wanna move on, we’ll move on. [waves cane in farewell ] Thanks for the song, Oompa Loompas! Catch ya later, candy dragon!

[Beneath the high point of the wall’s lower ramp, a hidden door slides open, and a massive chocolate-scaled dragon head puppet cranes out, blinking glowing eyes, tendrils of smoke curling from its nostrils.]

S’more: Later.

[The Oompa Loompas squeal and scamper back up the mountain; Allyn and Will cry “YIPE!” and dash offstage. Left alone, the candy dragon bobs its head to the orchestra’s reprise of the music.]

S’more: Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow! Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow!

Flee and scatter, crew and Hatter! Who’s yo daddy dragon NOW?!


“Aaaand SCENE!” says Will.

“Thank you to audience member Chelsea de la Cruz,” says Allyn, “for providing us with the inspiration ‘candy dragon’ and ‘RINGDINGERINGDING’.”

“If you enjoyed yourselves,” Will says, “(or if you didn’t, but you totally did, right?), don’t forget to leave suggestions for future productions in the comments! Words or phrases we’ve got to include, a prop to use, a prompt to run with… anything goes! ‘Til next time, friends:  Will and Allyn out!”

4 thoughts on “What Does the Dragon Say? (Jack and the Genre-nauts, Act 3)

    • “In a world of spectacular dragons of all stripes,” says Will, “that is sky-high praise. You humble me, Lady Miranda.”
      “Lies,” says Allyn.
      “All right, fine, ‘humble’s doesn’t feature much in my list of descriptors. I am right well pleased, though!”

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