“We interrupt what would have been your regularly scheduled Interactive Theatre skit,” says Will Scarlet, “to bring you ‘Imminent Danger And How to Fly Straight Into It (Redesigned)’!”
“Wait, what?” says Allyn-a-Dale.
Will shoves a three-ring script binder into the minstrel’s hands. “Just run with it.”
Allyn/Narrator: In the far-gone year of two thousand and twelve, a naive young authoress with a trusting heart gave unto a company called iUniverse thousands of dollars with which to publish her novel.
Will/Young Authoress [waving a handful of prop hundred-dollar bills ]: Shut up and take my money!
Disturbing Voiceover: Gladly.
Allyn/Narrator: But alas! For this foolish young authoress did not realize the assisted-publishing path was fraught with peril, and the thousands paid were not in value received. Control was relinquished, prices did skyrocket, and the young authoress cried out to the heavens…
Will/Young Authoress: Woe is me! Would that I had done this publishing business myself!
Allyn/Narrator: And the young authoress did take it upon herself to publish the novel, commissioning a talented artist to provide her with a new cover that doth more accurately capture the spirit of her novel. And lo! The new cover is revealed.
[The curtain rises on the larger than life cover, as displayed below.]
Will/Young Authoress: I love it! The lights, the colors! The glitz, the glam! And just look at how it harmonizes with the novel’s blurb!
Allyn/Narrator [taking his cue to begin reading the blurb ]: High school junior Eris Miller thinks she’s having a bad day when her roommate’s boyfriend catches her stepping out of the shower wearing nothing but a towel.
[To the right of the onstage cover, a spotlight falls on a towel-clad Marion Hood.]
Marion/Eris: This is as bad as it gets!
Allyn/Narrator: Then she gets abducted by scaly six-armed aliens with a strange fondness for the color blue, and her day suddenly gets a whole lot worse.
Marion/Eris [getting hauled offstage by a multi-prosthetic-wearing Little John ]: I stand corrected.
Allyn/Narrator: Trapped on a spaceship bound for the slave markets of Sirius B, Eris fears she’ll never see her home again. But then fate whisks her away from her reptilian captors and into the arms of Varrin, a fast-talking space pirate who promises to deliver her safely back to Earth. He claims to have her best interests at heart, but Eris soon discovers that her charming rescuer has a hidden agenda.
[Marion reappears in the spotlight, this time dipped low in the arms of a space-piratical Robin Hood.]
Marion/Eris [breathlessly ]: What aren’t you telling me?
Robin/Varrin [oh-so charmingly ]: That’s for me to know, and readers to find out.
Allyn/Narrator: As they race across the galaxy, outrunning a villainous figure from Varrin’s past, Eris begins to realize that their relationship is putting her planet, her life, and her heart in imminent danger. She knows that trusting Varrin could prove deadly … but what other choice does she have?
“Aaaand SCENE!” says Will. “For those of you in the audience crying, ‘Author! Author!’…”
“I’m not sure that’s what they’re crying,” says Allyn.
Ignoring him, Will carries on, “Here’s a bit about the co-writer of our little skit, and the brains and beauty behind ‘Imminent Danger’!”
Michelle Proulx was born on the market moon of Vega Minor where she spent her formative years reading, writing, and gambling at illegal underground jsgarn fighting rings. While en route to Alpha Centauri, Michelle crash-landed her space yacht on the planet Earth. She now lives in Canada and divides her time between observing the local fauna and repairing her star ship.
“Thanks for inviting us to be part of your cover reveal, Michelle!” Will calls.
“She invited Danielle.”
“#PackageDeal. ‘Til next time, friends: Will and Allyn out!”