“Welcome, one and all,” says Will Scarlet, with a broad smile and a bow, “to Will & Allyn’s Interactive Theatre!”
“Every second Friday,” says Allyn-a-Dale, “Will and I and our friends from the story world of ‘The Outlaws of Avalon ’ trilogy—”
“Coming one of these days to a book retailer near you!”
“—Will take at random two of the suggestions gleaned from you, our gentle audience, and incorporate them into… well, the sort of tomfoolery Will calls entertainment.”
“So make yourselves comfortable,” says Will, “as we now present to you: ‘A Parting Glass’!”
[The curtain rises on Allyn-a-Dale as Jack Snow and Sir Wilbur Lamb from INSPIRED as his author Annabelle Gray, the pair entering a castle set all bedecked in medieval tapestries and steampunk swag.]
Sir Wilbur/Annabelle: This is it – what would have been home sweet home for Sheriff Antichristmas Beast of Nottingham, rest his monstrous soul. I still don’t get why he just keeled over and melted!
Allyn/Jack: The work of Hatter’s Shadow, no doubt. It is clearly a spirit as powerful as it is raving mad. The sooner it’s back inside Hatter’s body, the better off we’ll be.
Sir Wilbur/Annabelle: And a method of achieving that end is somewhere in this castle?
Allyn/Jack [nodding]: There is but one sure way to send a Wonderland spirit back to its host. [crosses to one of the castle walls and removes from it a hanging mirror ] A looking glass.
Sir Wilbur/Annabelle: Hatter told you that?
Allyn/Jack [corner of his mouth drawn up in a smirk ]: If the madman had, what sense in believing him? No, I’ve had some experience with mirror magic. The Antichristmas utilized it a great deal during his life in Fairytale Forest. [places mirror in Sir Wilbur’s hands ] All you need do is show the Shadow his reflection, and he’ll return to his rightful place. You know the way back to where we left him, your body, and your knight inside it, I trust?
Sir Wilbur/Annabelle: Well, sure, but aren’t you coming?
Allyn/Jack [shakes his head ]: No, not I. It’s past time to put this nonsense behind me. [begins speaking in a subtle singsong, eyes agleam ] Under cloud, beneath the stars, over snow one winter’s morn, I turn at last to paths that lead home. My destiny awaits at the North Pole.
Sir Wilbur/Annabelle: Wait, though. What happens when the Shadow’s back inside Hatter? Do Wilbur and I automatically switch back to our rightful bodies, or are we stuck as we are? ‘Cause, I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love being Wilbur, but what about when our whole history together flashes before his eyes like a cheesy OTP video on YouTube and he realizes we’re meant to be? He’ll want to kiss me, which means I’d be essentially kissing myself, which would be whack, because I’m just not that into me.
Allyn/Jack [stares flatly for some moments before speaking ]: Not one part of that was any of my concern. You deal with your own mess. I have the small matter of Christmas to attend to.
Sir Wilbur/Annabelle [grumpy ]: You know, you’re a lot less jolly than the traditional depictions of Santa Claus would lead one to believe. Go on, then. Safe travels home. I’ll give Hatter your regards – assuming he hasn’t bled to death, yet. Sheesh, this story’s gone out of all control.
[Sir Wilbur exits the stage, Allyn smiling chillingly after him.]
Allyn/Jack: You have no idea.
“Aaaand SCENE!” says Will.
“Thank you to audience members Miranda McNeff and Chelsea de la Cruz,” says Allyn, “for providing us with the inspiration ‘cheesy OTP videos on YouTube’ and lyrics from Billy Boyd’s ‘The Last Goodbye’.”
“If you enjoyed yourselves,” Will says, “(or if you didn’t, but you totally did, right?), don’t forget to leave suggestions for future productions in the comments! Words or phrases we’ve got to include, a prop to use, a prompt to run with… anything goes! ‘Til next time, friends: Will and Allyn out!”