If WILL SCARLET … Broke the Economy

A continuation of “If Will Scarlet Took Me Out

Ah, browsing a book store with Will Scarlet… That would be one part potential embarrassment, one part envy over all the books that are on display where my own are not, and the rest of the parts awesome. It would be great having someone to share things with. Point out funny titles and eye-catching covers. I’d take my sweet time over everything, while he’d be zipping back and forth all over the place, grabbing things off the shelves to shove in my face and remarking over it at some indiscreet volume, requiring me to frantically, laughingly shush him.

Some people just have to look with their hands. Will Scarlet is one, snatching at everything that, in his defense, snatched at his interest first. He’d probably make a point of seeking out all the Robin Hood books, just so he could check on the Scarlet representation therein. Books pertaining to Doctor Who and/or Torchwood would also be of interest, along with anything red. If anything came with a button that resulted in light or noise, he’d press it. I’d make a memo to self: Do not take him into a toy store.

Price, meanwhile, would be no object. “Dude,” he’d murmur excitedly, holding up a card. “Abréal credit. Cash for them, no cost for us. We’re going to break the economy.”

Hoo-boy. I wouldn’t even know how to feel about that. I’d maybe figure it out sometime after I made off with a heck ton of books. Supporting the writing community comes first.

He wasn’t kidding, before, about the Build-a-Bear. We head over there next, neither of us too proud and grownup to be seen in the place. I’ve only been in there in earnest twice before, a good while ago. The first time, I got Moot da Bent-Eared Bunny. The second time, it was Shaquandi, the pink teddy I pretty much gave the most ghetto name ever for no reason other than my sisters gave their bears names ending in “-andy” and in my moment of need, the joke answer prevailed.

I don’t know off the top of my head what styles of stuffed animals they’re sporting, these days, though a glance at their website just now [i.e., back around Christmas time] suggests that, HELLO, they’ve got Santa’s reindeer! Methinks Will and I would go straight for that. We’d take the soft, empty skins over to the associate at the stuffing machine, watch them get plumped up with fluff, and do the goofy dance and make the faux-vow of best-friendship that is all apiece of the heart insertion ceremony. Then would come the dithering over what outfits to get our new stuffed buddies, and what in the world to name them.


“Let’s keep this simple,” Will would suggest, holding up his reindeer. “This is Dani Doe.” He’d point to mine. “That is Buck Scarlet. They are our spirit animals in cuddly toy form.”

That would bring a smile to my heart. “So for once, the ceremonial vow of best-friendship will hold true.”

“Absolutely,” he’d say, giving his Dani Doe a full-on face smooch. “Feel free to nickname yours ‘Bucky’, after the Winter Soldier.”

“If my best friend is Bucky,” I’d say, “that would make me Captain America!”

Will would shrug. “My reasoning was just that the Winter Soldier and I are both hot, but sure, you can be Steve.”

Our next stop would be the resident Hot Topic – the chain Allyn once so scathingly derided as an emo-poser that lost all its hipster points the day it sold out to Disney, Doctor Who, and Adventure Time. What I wouldn’t give to remember his cold little tirade word for word.

“Gants,” Will would say, shaking his head at our reminiscence. “Can’t nobody judge harder than a Gant.”

“He may have been half-joking,” I’d say.

Will would raise an eyebrow. “Ever notice how a Gant joke can make its target curl up and want to end itself?”

Will: “Because dat man and his coat, tho.”
Will: “Because dat man and his coat, tho.”

Ouch but true, that.

While Will in his Captain Jack Harkness coat takes selfies with something with Tennant’s face on it for his Instagram – (#FoundMyDoctor #CapTenJack) – I’ll browse all the merchandise I’m normally too cheap to buy, trying to decide just how much I want to take advantage of Will’s cheat of a credit card. The potential breaking of the economy aside, I don’t actually have the storage space for everything I could be persuaded to own. Besides which, I wouldn’t want to feel overly materialistic. On the other hand, I wouldn’t want to feel like a chump who could have walked out with anything and chose to decline on no better grounds than half-assed principle. If nothing else, I’d get a couple of Marvel hoodies.

[To be continued…]

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