Welcome to the Stranger Than Truth Club Minutes, featuring conversations between me and my closest group of friends – one, my IRL bestie, the rest… a little reality-impaired.
“But what we lack in so-called reality,” Will Scarlet inserts, “we make up for in awesomeness!”
The way of it is, the Stranger Than Truth Club takes people from all walks of life, universes, times, and species, and brings us together through beautiful, ever-evolving, cross-plane friendships.
I wish I could give you a glimpse into our insightful, loving, hilarious, open community. Unfortunately, I can only give you transcripts of our idiocy.
And so without further ado: Truth is stranger than fiction. We are—
Allyn: Would you rather go to war, or fight in a gladiatorial ring?
Dorian: Well, on the one hand: a cause, but dysentery. On the other: A fight for nothing but my life, but it’s exciting. I think we’ll go with gladiator. “We who are about to triumph salute you, Caesar.”
Lute: That’s my boy.
Lancelot to Gawain: Would you rather take a ten-year vow of silence, or have everyone call you Catherine?
Will: Meanwhile, in Random-Ass Town…
Guinivere: Would you rather see world peace happen after having fought against it, or fight for world peace with everything you have, only to fail?
Arthur: To aim and miss well, or to aim well, and miss? As I would see my ends accomplished, I suppose I’d best fight against them. So y’all better step up.
Will: Would you rather have really big bazooms that nobody pays attention to, or little breasts that everybody ogles all the time?
Marion: … Why?
Sy: Why are you next to Will?
Sy: I’m sorry.
Allyn: Someone should ask Will if he’d rather be straight or gay. Completely straight, or completely gay.
Tirzah: Remember, some of your worst unrequited crushes are male. You could get rid of a lot of misery with one fell stroke.
Will: I guess I’d have to be straight… [looks askance at Kinsey Scale extremes]
Danielle: Would you rather live in Scotland, but not be able to write…
Danielle: …Or be the best writer ever, but Scotland doesn’t exist?
Tirzah: [loses her sh*t] I can’t let Scotland not exist! I give up my dream – my heart – my soul – my all – for Scotland. It better damn well appreciate, ‘cause I’ve got to be a businesswoman and painter, now.
Little Allyn: But sweets! They’re the only thing that have always stood me by! Is sex with [redacted] really so wonderful that I wouldn’t be thinking “I wish you were Belgian waffles” the whole time??
Apple: I couldn’t stand [losing my math savvy]. At least I’d be an intelligent whore in the upper echelons of society.
Tirzah [trying not to wake her husband with screeches of laughter]: I can’t be too loud now. Be careful.
Danielle: You be careful. I can’t control your volume.
Tirzah: Neither can I!
Lute: Absolutely everyone makes it into heaven except for you, or things are as they are now – people choose what they choose?
Sy: The first option isn’t in defiance of anyone’s free will?
Lute: No. Miracle of miracles – everyone chooses heaven. Except you.
Sy: [ponders] Well, I’m goin’ to hell for this, but…
For extras, see Tirzah’s Tumblr post!
Danielle: Is “tumblr” all lower-caps?