The Tale of Yosemite’s Three Brothers

Yosemite - Three Brothers and Bridalveil Falls

On a recent bus ride back into Yosemite National Park, one of my characters (call him Galliard; it’s his name; you haven’t met him, more’s the pity) was so inspired by the gorgeous Tunnel View that he made up a fairy tale about it on the spot. His audience was much entertained, and if ever there were a month to share it online, that month is June. So here it is, transcribed as faithfully to the original as I can recall. Enjoy!

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Once, there were Three Brothers, standing tall and grand in Yosemite Valley. And their hearts were full of love but heavy, for though they had among them a bridal veil of falling water – long and laced with mist – alas, no bride had they.

The three turned to their mighty, monolithic leader – the noble El Capitan – and asked, “Know you where we may find a bride? For though we have among us a bridal veil, alas, no bride have we.”

Yosemite - El Capitan

“A bride,” El Capitan mused. “The answer to that, I do not know. You would do better, perhaps, to ask the Starr King.”

Yosemite - Starr King

So the brothers sought out that royal peak – his head still crowed with snow even in early summer – and asked, “Know you where we may find a bride? For though we have among us a bridal veil, alas, no bride have we.”

“A bride,” said the Starr King, thoughtfully. “You might try your fortune with the lovely Half Dome. Perhaps she seeks her other half.”

With hope, the Three Brothers turned toward that iconic mount – her face flushed rosy bright in the sunset – and asked, “Would it please you to be a bride? For though we have among us a bridal veil, alas, no bride have we.”

Yosemite - Half Dome

“A bride,” Half Dome murmured, considering. “Mmmmm no, I don’t think so,” she decided. “I like that single life.”

Discouraged, the brothers returned to their place in the valley, and passed the night in quiet sorrow. But the following day, when the earth held just right, the sun’s light caught in the bridal veil’s mist-lace, and shone forth as a dazzling rainbow.

Yosemite - Bridalveil Rainbow

The Three Brothers lost their breath, a moment of self-discovery rising in its place.

The first brother realized he that he was, in fact, homosexual, and wanted no bride so much as he did El Capitan, and the pair were in due time wed.

The second brother realized that he was, in fact, bisexual, and while he was not opposed to the thought of a bride, he desired the Starr King no less, and the pair were in due time wed.

And the third brother realized that he was, in fact, asexual, and the love in his heart craved neither bride nor groom, but only intimate friendship; so though he and Half Dome became dear companions, neither one saw any cause to take it farther.

Thus did the mountains of Yosemite Valley live happily for many an age to come.

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Happy Pride Month, yo.

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