Hell Hath No Paper Fury (Will Scarlet’s Kiss & Tell)

“From the stage that brought you Will & Allyn’s Interactive Theatre,” Allyn-a-Dale proclaims before the curtain, “here’s Ever On Word’s original talk show, Will Scarlet’s Kiss & Tell.”

Will Scarlet's Kiss and Tell logoThe curtain rises, the studio audience applauds, and Will Scarlet himself walks smiling and waving onto the bright, cozy set.

“Hullo, everyone! Let’s jump right into it, shall we?” Leading by example, he hops into his armchair. “Allyn, who is our guest character today?”

As the guest enters from the other side of the stage, Allyn says, “Actually, our guest isn’t a character, per se, but describes herself thus:

C.G. Drews lives in Australia with her piano and the goal of reading every book in existence. Consequently, her brain has overflowed with words and she spends her days writing novels to make you laugh or cry (or both). She never sleeps and believes in cake for breakfast. She blogs at paperfury.com.

“Welcome, C.G.!” Will greets the author now seated in the chair across from his own. “So glad you could join me. First things first – any truth to the rumor that you’re low-key three dragons and a cake in a trench coat?”

“Thanks so much for having me, Will! Although  w o w  what an accusation to start with. I am at least four dragons in a trench coat and I keep the cake in my pockets.”

“At least four…” Will’s brows arch high. “Duly noted, and verily impressed. An also impressive fact: You’ve just recently released your second novel, ‘The Boy Who Steals Houses’. Which aspect of the book are you most excited for your readers to experience?”

“Definitely the trauma and heartbreak of my readers while I drink their tears— oh wait um…” C.G. shuffles her notes. “I mean, I’m looking forward to readers getting to meet my motley crew of dysfunctional siblings and the shenanigans that follow a boy named Sam who accidentally breaks into their house and ends up stealing their hearts.”

“Aw, man!” Will twists around in his seat. “Are you getting this, Allyn? Dysfunctional sibling dynamics, shenanigans, and break-ins are three of our favorite things!”

“Um, no, just yours,” says Allyn. “Three of mine would likelier include music, hard-weather friendships, and heartbreak.”

“Hence your soul’s resonance with our guest’s first novel, ‘A Thousand Perfect Notes’. Related questions, C.G.: Of your two protagonists – Beck from ‘ATPN’ and Sam from ‘TBWSH’ – whom did you more enjoy writing, and why?”

“Will!! Are you asking me to choose between my kids?! For shame. I love Beck and Sam both. I loved writing Beck’s carefully built walls of gentle sarcasm and his tenderness towards his little sister and hungry vulnerability for a life where he could have friends and feel safe. And I loved writing Sam’s anxious and soft nature, his absolute need to find a home and belong somewhere, and his super cute dorkiness whenever his crush talks to him.”

“Oh, Sam sounds adorable! I wanna smoosh him with love already! Speaking of things loved, my author Danielle has been much amused by your blog for some time, now – all to do with your excellent voice. Are all Australians so entertaining, or is your online personality something you’ve had to intentionally cultivate?”

“Haha, I mean, are all Americans the same, Will?”

“I wouldn’t know,” says Will, drawing himself up proudly. “I’m Middle English.”

Allyn coughs quietly, “Middle English-American…”

“I’m a well-integrated immigrant, all right?” Back pointedly turned from Allyn, Will gestures to C.G. “You were going to say…?”

“As for my online voice,” she guides them back on track. “I’ve worked hard to develop my writing skills over the years so I’m really pleased it’s turned into being able to blog in a fun and glittery way! I know people who read my books are generally surprised they’re so dark versus my blog being way more lighthearted and comedic. But I like a bit of everything.”

“Variety is indeed the spice of life! And since we’re spicing things up: Tell me, Multi-Dragon Drews, what is your biggest, deepest, darkest, most mortifying and/or hilarious secret?” Will cranks up the heat on his smile. “Or would you rather kiss me?”

“I think I’d rather pour my guts out, thanks ❤ I think my early blog archives were rather mortifying (shhh no you can’t see them! I’ve deleted!) and I do recall once yelling for my dog but I actually yelled my sister’s baby’s name (my dog is Atticus, the baby is Atlas … it was a mistake bound to happen, ok). So the baby just looked at me in sheer wounded terror that I’d yelled at him. I’m a monster. Still atoning for this.”

“That poor child,” Will sniggers. “Remind me to never get a dog, lest I inadvertently shout for Allyn.”

“You’re always shouting for Allyn anyway,” Allyn observes.

“AM NOT. NOW ALLYN, WHAT’S THE WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR?”

“Today’s Kiss & Tell segment,” says Allyn, hands over his ears, “is brought to you by ‘The Boy Who Steals Houses’ by C.G. Drews – available as of April 4th, also known yesterday, via Amazon, Book Depository, and elsewhere!Boy Who Steals Houses

Can two broken boys find their perfect home?

Sam is only fifteen but he and his autistic older brother, Avery, have been abandoned by every relative he’s ever known. Now Sam’s trying to build a new life for them. He survives by breaking into empty houses when their owners are away, until one day he’s caught out when a family returns home. To his amazement this large, chaotic family takes him under their wing – each teenager assuming Sam is a friend of another sibling. Sam finds himself inextricably caught up in their life, and falling for the beautiful Moxie.

But Sam has a secret, and his past is about to catch up with him.

“Thank you, Allyn,” says Will. “Thanks to you, too, C.G. Drews! And thank you, my beautiful audience. Remember, authors – if your characters would like to appear on the show, simply follow the guidelines provided here, and we’ll get them on the schedule. ‘Til next time, lovelies: Scarlet out!”

2 thoughts on “Hell Hath No Paper Fury (Will Scarlet’s Kiss & Tell)

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